Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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