I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
