There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
