Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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