I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize