Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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