His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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