I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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