We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
