I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
