I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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