oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
