I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
