i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
