I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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