Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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