he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
