If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize