My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
