Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
