i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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