dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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