Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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