I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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