Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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