Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
