How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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