We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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