he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
