We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
