Four minutes until I can fart!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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