My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
dude. I can hear the air.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
