Christians are straight up FREAKS
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
