Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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