Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
