I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
