allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
