I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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