If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
