Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
