Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would ride that face into the sunset
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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