he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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