There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
