Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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