we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
