Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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