The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
