The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
