This is not my ceiling
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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