Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize