Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
