if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
