ya dads aren't the best wingmen
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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