Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
