we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
