A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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