That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
