I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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