Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
