i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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