She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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