Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
