ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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