I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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