how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
