I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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